How To Look Good In Photos: Holla Atcha Boys

On open letter to John Krasinski, star of The Office

Dear John,

As I watched the Jim & Pam wedding for the third time this week, I thought: Dude, you set the bar pretty high.¬† You may need my help. Following up the most ADORABLE tv wedding in history* with a real-life engagement to Emily Blunt?¬† There is potential for underwhelming results.¬† You don’t want your fictional wedding to out shine your real-life wedding. Emily Blunt doesn’t want that.¬† Your legion of female fans don’t want that either. We all wish to live vicariously through Pam Emily.

In the spirit of helpfulness I’ve compiled a list of tips men can use to look better in photos.¬† I’ll be honest, this list is mostly an excuse to post a photo of my friend in a fake mustache…but hey, whatever the preface, no matter how weak…it’s my blog!

Sincerely,

Brandy**

P.S. My friend Susan’s FaceBook status reads: Men, just give up. Unless you are Jim Halpert, I don’t want you.

1.) Groom
Not just your role in the wedding, but a verb….an instruction.¬† Men, in college, when you lived in your hoodie and gym shorts, you might have made your girl swoon.¬† Now, you’re going to have to put a little more effort forth. She’s looking at $4000 dresses to wear for one day…yeah, she’s gonna expect you to shave.
Teeth: Nothing emphasizes less-than-white teeth like a white wedding dress.  Buy yourself some Sensodyne toothpaste.  Use it for two weeks prior to the commencement of a teeth whitening treatment. Teeth whiteners leads to a temporary sensitivity, so the Sensodyne is a proactive measure.  Also, there are a lot products on the market.  Just make sure you start the treatments early enough to reach efficacy.
Hair: Schedule your haircut a week before the wedding.  Give your hair cut time to settle in.
Shaving: When I introduced my husband to Kiehl’s shaving cream, he balked at the $18 price tag.¬† Then 6 months later, when he finally ran out, he agreed that it’s the world’s best shaving cream.¬† Also, get yourself one of those ridiculous razers with like 12 redundant blades, or whatever you men use.
Fragrance: Even though photography still lacks scratch-n-sniff technology, a problem not to be remedied until Apple recruits Willa Wonka to head R&D,¬† you should wear cologne. If you don’t have a signature scent, consider getting one. Sephora offers a $75 sampler gift certificate.¬† You get to try 7 different fragrances and after you’ve picked a favorite, redeem the gift certificate for a full-size bottle.

2.) Watch America’s Next Top Model

I should warn you, it’s addictive.¬† You’ll catch yourself making all kinds of fierce faces in the mirror and contorting your body in ridiculous ways…none of which are necessary for good photos, but fun nonetheless!

3.) If all else fails…try a mustache.
Instantly more debonair.  Just look at these before and afters:

Before

Before Mustache: note the slightly surly expression.

After

After Mustache: Instantly more happy and the world goes black & white!

*TV’s Most Memorable Weddings

Do you agree?¬† Quite frankly, I didn’t even remember Donna & David got married.¬† Now, if Chuck & Blair marry, I’ll remember that!


**Official member of the FaceBook group: If Jim & Pam don’t end up together, I’ll kill myself.

October 28, 2009 - 9:46 pm

Rachel D - open letter to John Krasinski:
I’m a big fan. Want me to have your babies?

No, seriously. I think he and Emily will fare just fine in their photographs, but if they want to be absolutely sure, they should hire Modern Toile to do the job.

November 12, 2009 - 12:35 pm

KZaz - Dear John:

You have used your acting opportunities to mock people who:
a) sell paper
and suggest you could be a “f*ck up” if you have:
b) a cardboard window
c) a volvo that has reached the age of majority

Why do you choose to use your career to make a mockery of my life?
Kristen