Perhaps if I had better impulse control I wouldn’t get myself into situations such as these.
Some friends encouraged me to sign up for the inaugural District Karaoke. So, I did. I didn’t research it or over think it. I just drafted an impassioned email seeking team mates. Here was my appeal:
Dear everyone I know:
One of my life’s goals* is to win a karaoke competition. Thanks to Katrina, I now have my chance with District Karaoke. Obviously, I need a team. I’m looking for previously undiscovered talents, connections with others who might be interested and a future audience. Effective team members will contribute a wide breadth of pop music ranging from Yacht Rock to Brit Pop and Classic Country or a specialty niche, like Tanya’s Beastie Boys, and a gregarious stage presence. The only team member exempt from the “stage presence” requirement is me, and that’s because when I close my eyes and gently touch the air with my palm reminiscent of early 90’s Mariah Carey…. I’m FEELING that shit.
Also, if you serenaded Baby Got Back to your wife at your wedding, you’re on my short list. If you wear really, really tight jeans while singing Led Zeppelin, you’re also on my short list.
This is an opportunity. It’s your opportunity at greatness and you’ve only got one chance. Don’t miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a February. Plus, there’s beer and tee shirts. Be a joiner. Be a performer. Be a STAR!!!
Puppies & Unicorns 4-ever,
*other life’s goals:
- own a wig wardrobe based on the characters from Valley of the Dolls.
- have my closet fashioned into a Gap saving time in the morning
- only ever be seen in Barbara Walters’ lighting
- receive a definite answer to the question “which is cuter: puppies or Ryan Gosling”
That mass email resulted in a team of exactly….me, myself and I. Oh sure, 12 cheerleaders, but I’m in this alone. Only after signing up as a free agent did I learn of “taping” and “interviews” for DC50/TheCW. I might throw up. Stay tuned for much hilarity is sure to ensue.